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Boys the Pats are back with a vengeance as they beat the Ravens in a defensive gem 10-3. It was a flawlessly played game
as the pats had no turnovers (yes I did not throw any interceptions). The key play that broke a
3-3 tie was an Asante Samuel fumble recovery for a TD.
The Bills are running scared as the AFC East is all tied up at the top.
Bring it on bitches bring it on!!!
- Ben Week 11 Begins as the Bears, having paid off the xbox gods with deeds that even
I will not admit to in public, pull out another win making that six in a row. No, not SEX, Six! A lineman picking off a pass,
Urlacher making a shoestring interception and generally the Bears D just dominating the world pretty much sums up the game.
Etan is just bitter because he's played how many seasons and still can't beat me.
Etan did however win his
game as GB, as did Josh with the Bills.
The same can't be said for Danny who was knocked from his streak by the unsuspecting
Vikings (Brian). Some of you might be thinking... but Brian is the bears and the bears are in the same division as the Vikings?
wouldn't brian just throw the game to help the bears.
After the game we interviewed the head coach of the Vikings and he had this to say: "when you want to win that bad,
and its been that long since you've tasted victory you don't care who you're playing with... ya just play to win!"
There
you have it... Edwin, Tritt, Mark, Howie, Ben, and Paul still have games this week.
and if you do happen to stumble
across this site and know you're not going to play just e-mail someone and we'll move this season right along.
If
it were up to josh, etan, danny (who is on surgery) and myself (micro test monday) we'd be in week 12 now since none of you
all will play no matter how long we give you. except maybe tritt... and mark, well maybe edwin too... then again paul surprised
me a couple weeks ago. Hell i bet Ben would even play again if he remebers how to get back to the Bronx, but howie? i bet
i'll see howie monday after the test!
<DIV>
<P>Come on all you pussies, play your games... if we ever make it to week 12 i promise you nudity on our site!!!!</P><FONT
size=2>
<P>In a hard-fought battle, it was the Bills who showed the Rams what tough really means. It wasn't just the physical,
smashmouth brand of football, but rather a mental toughness as well, that what won Buffalo the game.</P>
<P>Despite averaging a yard or a two a carry, they refused to abandon the run- and 33 carries later, Travis Henry
was the deciding factor. Breaking a big one here or there, he told Bledsoe to just give him the ball and to not fuck things
up. On the other end, Torry Holt, the game on the line, down by three with 2 minutes left- their destiny in their offense's
hands- loses focus for just one play, just one minute of lapsed concentration- and blows his route, thus costing the Rams
a chance for the win. Bulger had lined up Holt on a fly-route, but Holt heard the blitz call, got scared and broke it off....
leading the ball right into the hands of Kenny Thomas, who screamed like a little girl, orgasmed, and fell to the ground clutching
both the ball and the victory in his hands. As the clock runs out, and Bledsoe fittingly gets sacked and is lying on his ass,
the Bills celebrate their hard-won</P>
<P>17-14 'W.'</P>
<P>So.... despite getting fucked up the ass by the Patriots coach, the Bills break the tie and regain their division
lead.</P></FONT></DIV>
Weekly Update:
Edwin adds another victory to his struggling season barely topping the Steelers. With Brooks out due to an injury
the Steelers had difficulties getting anything going on offense adding only two fieldgoals to the scoreboard. This seemed
to be enough to keep the game close as the score was 6-7 going into the 4th quarter. In the end the Chargers pulled
it out as the Steelers despiration efforts led to some key interceptions and sealed the deal at 20-6.
Well, I've been to Cali and back and it seems my fears that we would be through week 10 were far too lofty for this bunch
as we still have 3 games left in week NINE. Only the Broncos and Bills managed to squeeze in a game amidst our busy
schedules (i know, you're thinking "wait until you're on rotations" - well how do you explain etan then?) You can find
the 3 games to be played in the schedule section! Anyway, it seems I jumped the gun on congratulating Etan because
his ebay seller hasn't come through with the sale just yet. Thus, I have Edwins copy at my place for updating purposes.
I say if the games aren't played by this weekend we should simulate on sunday night or something like that... hope to see
you all soon...
Way to go ETAN!!! I've been holding out for Madden to drop below $23 bucks on ebay but it seems Etan has splurged and bought
another copy of the game. Great news for everyone as Edwin can play 24-7 in his league where the Chargers are better
than Ben's mom after a couple of vodka shots, and everyone can play their games without trekking back up to 1925 10A every
time. Sweet call Etan.
Holy Crap I can't believe Danny beat Ben with the RAMS! They were 0-7! Jesus Ben...Ah
well Ben, I do miss your rants!
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Fuck OT. I lost 19-13 to Danny (St Louis) in OT today. After Danny
scored a TD on the first drive the Pats D stepped it up and I managed to tie the game at 10 at the half. I staged a great
Drive capped with a 34 play action to Daniel Graham to set up the supposed game winning FG with 1:04 left. However Danny had
other plans as fucking Marshal Faulk drove him to the goal line
with 14 seconds left. After a great goal line stop Danny
was forced to kick a tying FG making it 13-13 and sending it into OT. On the second play of OT Danny completed a fucking 60
yard TD pass to Torry Fucking I suck Edwin's Hairy Balls for the game winning TD.
I hate this fucking game but I did
miss it | |
Who's Hot? Danny and the Jags winning their last 5, tied for 1st in the AFC South
Who's Not? GB and Etan losing their 5th straight sinking them to the bottom of the
NFC North
Week 9 Begins with a shut out as the Giants were unable to get anything going all
day. Urlacher lead Da Bears D-Fense with 17 tackles 2 sacks and an interception. That pick was one of 4 for the
Bears which really didn't help Eli Mannings progression (coming up in week 10) In the end the Bears methodically added points
throughout the game ending in a 34-0 pounding that will surely bring up the fan support and bring some more of Chicago fans
to the new Soldier Field.
WEEKLY NEWS:
Week 8 starts with a bang as Da Bears take on the Niners in a matchup where I realized why I made the change from the
niners to the bears. (besides the fact that now I am nearly as passionate as Ben about my losses) The Niners are
a vacant lot. With Owens and Garcia gone there was nothing really to hang onto for the Niners. Still they managed
to scrap together 7 points in a good ole fashion ass kicking at Soldier field.
Week 7 ends with a thriller as the Broncos escape a last second comeback by the Bengals. This marks the Broncos
5th win and places them firmly at the top of the AFC West.
Check standings if you want to know what the hell is happening to your teams!
The red hot Jaxonville offesne stepped on the artificial turn at RCA dome and began the game
with a 2 mnute TD drive. The colts responded with a 1 play 80 yard TD run by Dominic Rhodes. The rest of the first quarter
belonged to the Jags as they ran up another 14 points on the halpless colts. Then Byron Leftwich got injured. David Garrard
came in and continued the tren in the first half of the second quarter leading the Jags to 10 more points and a seemingly
insurmountable lead. Then Garrad got injured and 3rd string QB Doug "i used to back up Michael Vick" Johnson came in, was
unable to do anything and continued to go three and out while Peyton Manning was able to reconnect with his recievers (Harrison
twice) including a 70 yard bomb with 7 seconds left in the half to pull the Colts to within three.
Second half began with Garrard back in. Jax defense stepped up and stopped the drive,
aided by a missed Vanderjat FG, but Indy's D did the same (with a . The indy offense continued their triumphant march down
the field and punched the ball in from the 2 yard line to take the 4 point lead (35-31). Jaxonville began a drive with two
third down and one fourth down conversion and managed to score on a Tolefield TD run to take the three point lead. Jax stopped
Indy and was able to tack on 3 more points for a six point lead with 1:45 left in the game. Peyton Manning mastered the
2 minute drill and scored the go ahead TD with 43 seconds left. Jax got the ball on their own 20 with two time outs. Several
plays later the find themselves at 3rd and 10 from their own 48. David Garrard stands confident in the pocket, and heaved
the ball downfield to a quadruple covered Jimmy Smith (who had beat the 3 guys covering him and the saftey coming over to
help magically stopped in his tracks). Seth Marler comes in and is able to hit his SECOND "pressure kick" (this time hlaf
the distance of his first one) to win the game 44-42 and give Jaxonville a share of the division lead.
Green
Bay falls to the ‘Boys as Dallas comes into Lambeau field in the pouring rain and simply made fewer mistakes to
pick up the win. It can NOT be understood why people still go for it on 4th
down in the 1st quarter when the score is 0-0. But the sad truth is...
people do! Friends… Etan did this just today, and lives to tell of his
mistakes in his recently published book “Oops I did it again” where he recounts the days before he was 2-5 walking
with his head down and his tail between his legs. I have seen this gamble pay
off very seldom and of those who do get lucky, that’s all they are and that’s all they will ever be.
Week 7 starts with a thriller as Da Bears step into the insanity that is Raymond James Stadium but apparently the pirates
in their tights and stupid ships with guns and gay skeleton flags aren't enough to shake the Bears from their primary mission...
"Stop the RUN !" Urlacher set the example, singlehandedly shutting down Gardner and Alstott and with some help
from the outside linebackers held the bucs to just 51 yards on the ground and giving up one field goal. Tied 3-3 at
half the Bears knew that their 4th quarter work-horse A-Train would get it done on the ground and He did sealing the deal
with a touchdown as the final score should be 13-3 but I've been shit on too many times... so here's my dick field goal....
16-3 !!! ha... take that!
FYI there are 3 games left (if mark played sunday!)
Left to play this week: Mike, Ben, Paul
Chargers Falcons tonight!
Despite both of us having neuro on wednesday I coerced howie to play an EFL game as the Bucs extend their win streak
to 5 making them the lone powerhouse in the NFC. A defensive struggle led to a 6-6 tie in the 4th quarter until Gardner
had his way with the Rams D and walked into the endzone. It almost makes me as sick as just before the game when
howie was laughing at a website of dead iraqis.
Giants and Cards have a bye this week but you would know that If you ever checked the website... anyway, the rest of
you play your games before tuesday or else... or else you won't have as much fun as if you did.
Dolphins visited the Bills this week but appeared to be a bit confused by the cold temperatures. The linebackers
were intentionally dodging the running backs, wide outs were hopping on one foot and falling out of bounds on key 3rd downs,
kick returners were juggling balls to show off for the cheerleaders until they got they got popped and watched the punt team
walk it into the endzone for 6; it was just an all around embarrassing first half leading to a 28-7 half time dilema.
And then Mark choked as the Bill D came up huge with 9 sacks and two picks... compared to the Dolphins 0 and 0.
Oh yeah, and the bills scored 35 more points in the second half for a final score 14-62.
Week Six rolls in and with it a huge loss for da Bears... i don't wanna talk about it but with 3 fumbled kickoffs and
3 interceptions its hard to stop 66 points from happening. (Not to mention Edwin is a fucking prick scoring a touchdown
with no time left in the 4th quarter after I couldn't run the clock out.... dick)
Play your games!!!
WEEKLY NEWS:
The smell of rotten cheese permeates the air as the Green Bay faithful scuffle home from another loss. "Perhaps
it's us" they think as they make a pact to not return to the stadium in hopes that they had jinxed their team. Attendance
continues to plummet as the Pack has lost all three of their home games this season. McNair proved to
be too much as the Titans rallied to come back in the 4th quarter to seal their victory and put them atop the AFC South at
4-1.
On a more realistic note this loss added insult to injury as Etan just left the basketball court with another injury
to his knee (yes real life). Apparently following doctors orders doesn't always cut it in this cruel world. So
keep him in your thoughts and prayers as we hope for the best case scenario, whatever that may be.
After defeating the Patriots to end the short undefeated portion of their season and to begin their inevitable downfall,
the Bills headed into a battle for the lead in the AFC East against the New York Jets. After winning the opening toss,
the Travis Henry lead Buffalo downfield and capped off the drive with a TD reception. The Jets challenged two plays
on their first drive, overturning both an incomplete pass and a fumble that would have given the Bills the ball. Alas,
Chad Pennington fumbled the ball as he scrambled for first down later on the same drive. The Jets, without anymore challenges,
were forced to accept the turnover. This would set the tone for the day, as the Jets turned the ball over two more times.
One came after London Fletcher hit Anthony Becht forcing him to drop the ball in the endzone, where Izell Reese picked off
the deflected pass and returned it to the 30. Lawyer Milloy added another interception later in the game that he returned
15 yards for a TD. The Bills scored 17 points off of turnovers in the game and had no turnovers themselves. The
game ended in shame for the Jets as the Bills triumphed 45-0.
The Bolts come up short again in week 5 making that 3 in a row. The Jags appear to be the 4th quarter powerhouse
putting together another late game tear to seal their victory this week. This had the makings for a great game until
the Jags offense became unstoppable and the Chargers couldn't catch a break, or a pass for that matter. The final minutes
were about as refreshing as a warm beer from Josh Klein.
Week 5 is underway as the Bucs squeeked one out against the Saints 12-10. Howie and his god damn accelerated clock,
running time down with crappy running and lucky passes. Shit man, i couldn't catch a break as I would finally break
a 40 yard run with Deuce only to fumble and give it back to him. Go figure...
well, seeing as how the bears have a buy week I'll pretty much play anyone, just give me a call.
Broncos Bucs simulated game ends with the Bucs destroying the Broncos 30-17... sorry Mike but we tried to get ahold of
you. Now you're 2-2 with the rest of us.
Another great game ends with a "PRESSURE KICK" as the Chargers are defeated by the Titans who owe all their success
to the quick witted McNair who ran for two 4th and 8 plays on the final drive.
Great Tuesday begins with a thriller... Jags host the Colts for a down to the wire match-up. The Colts run away
with the game leading 14-0 in the 3rd quarter. Leftwich comes up big in the late hours rebounding with 14 of his own
sending the game into OT. With a defense heavy game, overtime finds both the colts and jags with two possesions each
and then Marvin Harrison let a ball slip out of his hands and into the hands of the Jags DB. Despite going 3 and out
the jags kick the game winning "PRESSURE KICK" from 50 yards out to seal the deal 17-14. Congrats Danny, awesome game!
How cool is the spinning logo at the bottom of the page!!!
Get ready for Great Tuesday. With four games left in the week EFL headquarters will be bustling tomorrow all the
way up until election time.
In what could be the week with the most simulated games (Tuesday deadline!!!)
Green Bay gave the Giants a run for their money as a last minute bomb tied the game or something and then the Giants
won... hmmm, not exactly how etan described the game to me. I think there were like 4 interceptions in there as well.
Anyway, play your freakin games!!
Guest reviewer: Mark "Arizona Fucking sucks" Ryan
Despite a steady diet of blondes and high-grade cocaine, the cardinals lose to the Saints by three in overtime, taking
eight years off my fucking life. However, they did manage to get more than 100 total yards of offense this time.
Shaun King is the most worthless piece of shit I have ever seen in my life. He has a vagina the size of a softball.
Then to make me feel better, the computer gives me the Eagles featuring the worthless (and perhaps Jewish) Koy Detmer.
He apparently objected to playing on Shabbas, cause he sucked worse than Ben's mom giving CPR. I came back from 18 down
to make it 28-30. Then Brian ran out the clock and kicked a dick field goal just for fun.
I hope the Bears get syphilis and die.
NEW!!! Comments Column:
Ahh Mark, I love the comments and for anyone else wondering how it works... it sends it to my e-mail which I may not
check every five minutes so give it a while and then I post the comment in full (no censorship) to the home page. I
think old comments will be archived every week depending on traffic!
- Your sexy beast of a webmaster
I just sent a comment brimming with hilarity and racism. Where the fuck is it? I demand instant gratification
immediately! Is there some kind of process to this shit, or can I say whatever I want? Is anybody listening?
-Mark
Someone play me. It's week three and I still haven't played a fucking game yet. Oh yeah, so BET filmed a
spot and I thought that I was in it cause they were filming right in my goddamn face. I catch it last night, and what
do I see? Nothing but a close up of of my junk (actually it was of the instruments being used while I was manning the
camera. However, my wang dwarfed them in both size and pointiness). You know what I think? Racism! Anyone
sees my face matched up with that mommoth package, and the wheels come off of every stereotype known to man. I'm talking
motherfucking armageddon here. Chinese people aren't good at math anymore. Jews blow money like it's going out
of style. Sober Mike gets blown by a girl who is not drunk and wearing a sweater vest while talking about poetry. This
comment box is too small, so I just forgot what the fuck I was talking about. Oh yeah, my dong. I need sleep.
- Mark " I can't remember how to update my fucking web site" Ryan
Just a friednly reminder to fucking turn off the tv and xbox when you're done... I mean really... it's two buttons... and
try not to fuck up the room while you're at it!
-
the unofficial hosts of the EFL
Ben! Get drunk and stupid more often! You suck now!!!!!!!!!!
- Mike
WEEKLY NEWS:
Week 3!!!
Giants pick up their first W of the season (on a simulation) over the Browns. Looks like the Madden Garcia needs
a pep talk from the fake NFL Garcia to motivate his Browns next week. Nothing special in this game and the Giants take
it 24-10.
Ahman and Green Bay cruise past the Colts (Howie) 42-6. As the fourth quarter began the Colts were feeling the
comeback down 6-14 however their hopes were quickly jammed down their throat along with 28 unanswered points. Too bad
for you Peyton Manning... at least Vanderjagt is getting laid tonight! Maybe you can think about what you did today
Marvin Harrison (-1 receiving yds) while you watch two strippers tease Vandy for his efforts?
While we're on the topic of studly kickers lets not forget Rackers and Feely with some monster boots today in their matchup.
Arizona's coach showed up to his first game of the season and although the players didn't recognize him with the facial hair
and scotch on his breath he managed to inspire Jason Goss and the Card's D to step up and pick Vick (EDWIN LEE) off 4
times. With no turnovers the Arizona Cardinals showed that mistake free football will put W's in the column.
Josh's streak as the official opponent of Week 3 came to an end as the Bucs capped the Raiders 17-14. An early
fieldgoal didn't worry the Raiders as they led in the 4th 14-10, however the Bucs methodically moved down the field using
short passes underneath the Raiders prevent D. As the final seconds ticked off the clock the ball was given to Pittman
who secured the Bucs 17-14 win with a run up the gut. As he spiked the ball he looked up at the clock and smiled
knowing that the 15 seconds left wouldn't be enough time for the back-up Gannon to make a difference.
Bears choke in typical Bears style giving a great game until the end of the 4th quarter just to give it away. Moss
found himself all by himself pretty much all game as he let the Vikings to their 27-24 comeback over the Bears
Titans overpower the Jaguars this week putting it together early with a 24-10 halftime lead. Jacksonville
did their best but 14 points in the 3rd quarter wasn't enough as Tennessee added another touchdown to take it 31-24.
only one game left in week 3!!!
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